A happy ending

The future? That’s uncertain,

A fact I can tell you with certainty.

But here I am, afraid,

That my life will fade selfishly,

Not selflessly, the way I’d always dreamed.

I am afraid of disappearing,

Even if outwardly, it seems calming.

I am afraid of not getting

A happy ending.

this is you

this is your creation.

this is your birth.

this is your formation.

this is your earth.

this is your fight.

this is your breath.

this is your life.

this is your death.

this is you.

take care of yourself.

you only get one chance.

A shadow of the past, at most

They say it hurts to be left on read,
They’d rather it be a game of make-believe, pretend.

They want to know what’s up with your non-responding,
Your carelessness, your selfishness, your disappearing.

Is that what you are now? A lingering ghost,
A whispering thought, a flickering shadow of the past, at most.

The truth: the name on the phone is a pile of bricks,
Once formed a castle, now nothing but a bag of tricks.

Just typing some letters, or even opening your mouth,
Is like dragging yourself in quicksand. Nothing will come out.

So what’s the point in trying to keep in touch, then,
If nothing can be said to keep us together again?

What you call happiness

Is it pasting a smile on your face, despite feeling down?
Is it laughing with the crowd, despite feeling your heart break?
Is it saying “I’m okay,” despite crying every night?
Is it doing your mundane daily tasks, despite waiting for the end?

Is that what you call happiness?

Because whenever I show you
The bruised part of me,
You say that it doesn’t matter,
Only the “happy” formalities do.

Even if it’s fake?

I’m helplessly broken
Far beyond the physical looks,
But burying it all behind walls
Only twists the knife harder.

It’s only when I can let it out,
Tears, pain, anguish and all,
When I can feel myself stop shaking,
A tad bit more calm, at peace, and hopeful.

Maybe that’s not happiness to you.
Maybe your happiness is only
Smiles and laughs and joy
Every single darn day.

But to me, happiness starts
At the trip to recovery,
Even if isn’t finished just yet.

I’ll get there one day.

all you’re worth (reverse poem)

Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.

This is what you’re worth.

What you love, what you feel, what you believe,
Your actions, your personality, your dreams,

They don’t define you. Not at all.

Your grades, your GPA, your ACT,
Health conditions, your reputation, how others see you,

Those are what matter more than anything else.

“What about the other unseen things about me?” you ask.
“What about beyond the numbers? Beyond the judgements?”

Don’t you see, my friend, that those things don’t matter at all?

Society says all you are worth is what others see on the surface.
Only someone who didn’t know better would believe that
Society is wrong.

(Now read each line from the bottom up)

Jumping Off A-

(Warning: This may be a trigger for some, read at your own risk)


Your words:

I want to jump off a cliff. 

Mine:

Don’t. 

Please don’t. 

Quickly, you covered up your slip up –

I meant into a pond. A positive cliff into a positive pond. 

That didn’t sound so bad, the way you put it,

But would your problems really be solved by

Jumping off this rocky boulder called life

And landing into the sea of supposed peace?

What if it wasn’t actually peaceful?

What if you did it?

But what if you regret it?

Don’t do it.

Don’t.

Please.


Author’s note:

If you or someone you know has depression or suicidal thoughts, please help them/yourself out… There is always hope. ALWAYS. The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Talk to someone; it always helps, whether it be a friend, family member, mentor, therapist, counselor, the list could go on and on.

Metanoia is a good website with more information. Here’s what to do if you know someone is suicidal. If you yourself are, read this first. It only takes 5 minutes.

Remember, you DO matter! You’re amazing, and you’re so strong, you can and will do this. ❤

How to smile when you can’t

You trudge to the mirror,

Stare at your blotchy eyes, your tear-streaked face,

Your helplessly broken self.

You try to lift the corners of your mouth just a tad bit,

In a futile attempt to force yourself to smile.

You can’t.

It hurts too much.

It all comes crashing down.

What a broken mess you are,

A mess of of the person you once were.

A mess of the person you wish you were.

How can you ever be them again?

But hey, listen.

You’re trying to smile when you can’t.

It’s okay.

You don’t have to smile right now.

No one is forcing you to be happy 24/7.

No one expects you to be happy 24/7.

(And if they do, well, that’s their problem.)

It’s okay to be a mess sometimes.

It’s okay to fall apart so often.

You’re strong, you’ll get through this.

One day, smiling will come so easily, just like that.

One day, you will be happy, with your life.

With yourself.

But for now, being is enough.

Self esteem

The Challenger Deep is incredibly deep.

Below sea level? 36,200 feet.

But it’s quite a shame that it’s nowhere

As low as my self esteem.

Trying to raise it?

Now, that’s an impossible feat…

The hurt behind the smile

The girl walks in, not feeling the greatest. It’s been a rough day – no, rough week – and she really doesn’t want to be here. She just wants to curl up in bed and sleep the sadness away. It would help. She was sure of it.

She tries her best, puts in all her effort into the work she’s assigned. The dark thoughts eating up at her are hidden behind the mask of happiness, like always.

But it’s not enough to hide it from her friend, who realizes something’s off.

Snippets of their texts:

I don’t want other people to worry about me.

You do you and don’t worry what other people think. We’re your friends and we care.
Okay?

It’s near the end of the workday, and the girl is anxious to leave and go home. But by then, against her will, her coworkers have realized something’s off, too. By the way she blasted out her music, something she never does. She’s always quiet, but there’s something about her silence that’s haunting, hanging in the air. Even by the way she carries herself, apparently.

“Don’t worry about me,” she almost whispers. “I’ll probably be okay later.”

Probably?” questions one of the coworkers.

The girl can feel herself crumpling, but not now not now not now. She’s really trying, can’t anyone see that?

Continue reading “The hurt behind the smile”

Don’t watch me cry

Of all the things you’ve done for me,
Don’t watch me cry.

I know that you won’t judge me,
That you won’t push me away.

I know you will offer your softest support
And find a billion ways to gently wipe the tears away.

And that’s what I’m afraid of:
Your everlasting care.

You’d never give up on me,
But I already have, too many times to count.